Rethink: How to flip the guilt trip
On unhealthy expectations, false guilt and the power of a ‘to-don’t’ list
Dear Rethinkers,
All around me, I see people struggling with guilt: a nagging pressure that we’re not doing enough or are falling short on something or someone important to us. That’s why this week we’re rethinking guilt — the type of guilt that surfaces, even when we’ve done nothing wrong.
Two questions have intrigued me:
How can we break the cycle of guilt?
Can guilt ever be useful and adaptive?
Flip the guilt trip
Guilt shows up in lots of different ways, on an almost-daily basis for many of us. It’s that nagging, self-punishing feeling that can surface over just about anything.
Am I working too hard? Or not enough?
Am I doing enough on rights issues, climate change, or for the community?
Have I called my friend or family member lately?
Am I present enough for my family?
Guilt is a different version of the same narrative: I’m not a good enough parent, partner, citizen, friend, pet owner, colleague…
So, why does guilt often feel deeply uncomfortable?
I love this description of guilt by Libby Copeland in a great piece in The Atlantic:
“It’s the emotional equivalent of wearing a jacket weighted with stones.”
I’ve always thought of guilt as a type of shame attached to the stories we tell ourselves. It’s a belief that stems from thinking:
We’re not doing enough
We’re not prioritising the right things
We’ve been given more than we’re entitled to.
Guilt says, “I owe ___.”
Read on to find out how a ‘to-don’t’ list is a powerful weapon against guilt…
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