Rethink: Is friction the oxygen of community?

Entrepreneur Ivo Gormley on the power of dependence

Dear Rethinkers,

In the spring of 2010, I had a conversation with entrepreneur Ivo Gormley that got me thinking differently about the design of communities. It was in the early days of the so-called ‘sharing economy’ and I was knee-deep in a book tour for my first book, What’s Mine is Yours. Platforms such as Airbnb, Etsy and Kickstarter that matched an ‘I need’ with a ‘you have’ were just starting to really take off. I’d been fortunate to meet entrepreneurs with all kinds of ideas to use platforms to unlock value in new ways, but Ivo immediately struck me as different.

His idea was called GoodGym. He told me about an older man named Terry who lived in Hackney and was housebound and lonely. Ivo wasn’t exercising much, hated all the wasted energy in gyms, and needed a reason to run. So he started to run to Terry on a regular basis, stopping for a cup of tea and chat. He quickly started getting other people to do the same thing: combine their run with helping an older neighbor. And so GoodGym was born and spread to over 62 communities across the UK. There were so many things I immediately loved about the idea but mostly that both sides benefited from the connection.

According to research conducted by The LSE, GoodGym has an extraordinary impact on mental health, sense of belonging and life satisfaction. That’s the power of platforms that effectively use the internet to get people off the internet and form connections face-to-face.

We need far more ideas like GoodGym and entrepreneurs like Ivo in the world! That’s why I was delighted to reconnect with Ivo over a decade later and hear about all his learnings and how his thinking has evolved. He summed up his learnings in this idea:

FRICTION IS THE OXYGEN OF COMMUNITY.

It’s tied to a human evolutionary trait that I’ve been thinking a lot about: we continually opt for the choice to have a faster and more efficient life but with less community. I think we’re in a unique moment in history where we’re realising the downsides of this trade-off.

---

Read on to step into my office and listen to my conversation with Ivo, complete with short clips and a summary of the key takeaways.

And if you value this work and want to keep the paywall off valuable interviews like this one — please upgrade your subscription today.

---

Below are the five key takeaways from our conversation (with an extra clip at the end for paid subscribers on how intentional design can transform everyday tasks).

1. Friction fuels connection

Friction — a moment of difficulty, surprise, or shared challenge — acts as a catalyst for connection and trust. Whether it’s helping someone or tackling a tough task together, these shared experiences deepen bonds. By systematically removing friction for the benefit of efficiency, we risk losing opportunities for meaningful social interactions.

2. Functional vs. fabricated friction

• Functional friction arises naturally during tasks (e.g., trying to coordinate people, terrible weather, something going wrong).

• Fabricated friction is intentionally created for bonding (e.g., group rituals, running a marathon).

Striking the right balance between these types is essential to create environments that foster connection without overwhelming participants.

3. Community thrives on dependence

True community emerges from mutual dependence, trust, and vulnerability. Allowing yourself to rely on others, and being relied upon, fosters a sense of belonging. This runs counter to modern ideals of independence, but positive dependence can be deeply fulfilling and is essential for social resilience.

4. Modern life suppresses connection

Technology and urban design prioritize speed and convenience, but they often suppress opportunities for connection. Digital tools isolate tasks that once involved communal interaction (e.g., markets, dating, or even laundry). Public spaces, too, are designed for flow rather than lingering, reducing incidental interactions that build community. Our tolerance for friction is decreasing (I wrote more about this in this newsletter).

5. Designing for interaction

Communities can be designed to foster connection by embedding friction into systems. Public spaces with "snagging points" like ledges and steps encourage lingering and conversation. Similarly, tasks requiring collective effort, such as shared community projects, allow people to build trust, connection, and identity through collaboration.

Noticing that we are trying to systematically eradicate friction raises an interesting question – how do we continue to provide the oxygen for the community to flourish as friction is in decline?

---

For paid subscribers, there’s a special recommendation from Ivo, a bonus video clip on designing solutions to rebuild healthy communities (with a special guest appearance from my dog!), and our weekly chat topic.