Why we distrust and what we can learn from it
How to have difficult conversations when trust breaks down
Dear Rethinkers,
Pause for a moment, and think of someone in your life that you distrust. It could be a current relationship or perhaps, a scar from the past that has not fully healed. How much time and energy have you spent worrying, venting, or fixating on this relationship? Most likely a lot.
Distrust is a fiery emotion that can have a destructive hold on our personal and professional lives. In most cases, we run a mile from distrust. But by following our protective instincts, we miss what we can learn and do differently.
Today’s newsletter is in a slightly different style because it comes from core content I teach (so I may sound a bit like “Rachel, the teacher” 🙂). I’m sharing it this week because I’m seeing and hearing about distrust so much from my own circle of family and friends angry about the world, students worried about where things are heading and leaders struggling with serious trust issues at work. What can we do about distrust?
Avoiding the conversation
Even the idea of having a conversation with someone we distrust can induce anxiety. Do you recognise one of these avoidance reasons?
Dread: It will make things even worse and the other person will surely hold it against you.
Apprehension: Nothing will change, so what is the point of risking an uncomfortable conversation?
Hope: If you give it some time, the other person might just realise their issues and miraculously change.
Concern: A confrontation will only hurt the other person’s feelings-- “I can’t say that!”
All these reasons come down to fear of exposure in some shape or form.
Read on to learn how to navigate this tricky emotion and the steps I recommend for having a constructive conversation with someone you distrust.