Rethink: Why we need to care about winning

On sports day, self-trust and learning how to lose (well)

Dear Rethinkers,

When I was at primary school, there was one day of the year I loved – Sports Day! The smell of the freshly cut grass, the picnics, the newly painted racetrack and the sounds of cheering from the sidelines. I remember the ribbons – red for first place, pale pink for second and green for third. I tried so hard to create a rainbow of colours on my T–shirt – the excitement of competing felt so good. There were no prizes for 4th, 5th or 22nd place. Sports Day is not for everyone; however, I hated drama productions, music concerts, and ballet recitals, which were the worst. However, on Sports Day, the excitement of competing felt so good. 

Fast-forward 40 years, and towards the end of the school year, like millions of other parents, I will go to my children’s sports day. There are no individual winners or prizes (not even ribbons). There are no heats or finals (because that would be “unfair”). There are lots of frantic dashes happening at the same time. There isn’t really a start or end time. You can cheer, but not too loudly, and it must be for everyone. It is confusing, chaos!

The ‘prizes for all’ culture on sports day that has permeated schools is a metaphor for how we’ve lost sight of how competitiveness and fairness (the topic of a past newsletter)  can go together.

Longer-term, it’s not helping kids when there are no clear winners or losers. I understand that we’re trying to protect children from disappointment, unpleasant feelings, teasing, and exclusion. But how will children accept defeat if they no longer care about winning, even on sports day? Life is rarely a draw.

Read on to find out why learning how to lose is the key to nurturing self-trust.