Rethink: How to stop giving away your attention
On attention management, regaining control and saying a clear ‘no’
Dear Rethinkers,
Do you ever feel like your plan for the day always goes pear-shaped because you're pulled into other things? Or that you work hard and run fast but never move closer to achieving the things that really matter to you? Do you find yourself saying, "I never have enough time to (fill in the blank)?"
It's taken me five years to finally find the right focus and space to write my third book. Why couldn't I give it the immersive attention it needs? So many things kept getting in the way. Moving, the pandemic, homeschooling, a new puppy, unwell parents, the noise and stress of a home renovation, unwell kids, work travel, and other work commitments. At the start of the year, I realised this list would never stop. It was life – the sandwich of having kids, a successful career and ageing parents. Only I could find a way to shift my attention.
This week, I turned to a handful of brilliant writers/thinkers to help me figure out a way forward. I’ve done my best to distil all my reading down into a few clear steps that, I hope, will help you take care of your most precious resource - attention.
Read on to find out how to stop giving attention to the wrong things.
The Research
In today's digital age, much focus has been given to how we can pay better attention by filtering out distractions.
You've probably seen advice such as:
Be present in what you're currently doing.
Don't try to multi-task.
Only check email at designated times in the day.
Don't get lost in endless swiping on social media.
This is all solid advice on how to exercise focus. But even knowing all of this, I felt a painful gulf between the work I really wanted to do, the time I wanted to spend with my family, and how my days were zipping by. My goals conflicted with my attention.
Attention is something intentional
In 1890, the legendary philosopher and founding father of modern psychology, William James, wrote his masterwork called The Principles of Psychology, Vol.1. It included a powerful principle:
“My experience is what I agree to attend to.”
The concept made me rethink attention – as something intentional. It’s the key to giving us control over how we spend our time – and our life.
Steven Covey dedicated an entire chapter to attention in his bestselling book, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. I sometimes revisit this chapter as a reminder – you must decide your highest priorities and then have the courage to unapologetically say “no” to other things (both hard to do well but get easier with consistent practice.)
What we attend to shapes our experience, which determines our life. I now think of my attention as a precious resource—not something to be given away willy-nilly.
Putting it into practice
Attention management starts with becoming aware of where your time and attention go in the day. For a week, keep a log tracking the following six questions:
Be specific around where your attention in your days actually goes. Once you get a sense of what’s going on, start to unpack the ‘whys’ based on three factors:
External: Is it due to things like technology, such as your phone?
Environmental: How much of your attention is interrupted by the people and noises around you?
Internal: How much is down to your own behaviours, moods, and thoughts?
Looking ahead
I know this is a personal and important topic for many of you. I can imagine many of you reading this newsletter and thinking, “It sounds simple on the page but in reality, it’s so hard.” I’m with you – it’s a constant work in progress for me too. Just this past week I caught myself checking my phone during writing blocks so I put it in a box, in a drawer upstairs.
I’d love to hear from you in the comments – what you’ve found that works for you, or what you plan to change to stop giving away your attention.
Thursday chat topic:
Check-in time! Let's come back together at the end of the week in the Chat thread. We can talk about how our attention logging went (or didn't) and what has helped you stay focused while working on long or big immersive projects. To make sure you don't miss the Chat, turn on your notifications.
Warmly,
Other news:
If you missed it, last week in the Chat we talked about ‘What is community?”
Thanks to Joseph Rivers for pointing me to a great article on rethinking ‘The Fourth Space.’
If this topic has your attention, consider becoming a paid subscriber to join the discussion chats and get a review of Stolen Focus on Friday, one of the best books on the topic.
I seem to be losing my attention all the time these days. I’m doing one thing and my mind is in 10 different places , feeling exhausted I just sit down and switch on the tv.
Trying to do 10 different things within a short span of time is what drags me down so finishing a 30 minute episode feels like at least I started and finished something!
This phone which now rules our lives is the one that needs to be controlled because I read my emails on it , attend online classes and meetings on it , chat on it , watch YouTube on it and just read and am commenting on your message on it while I was actually in the middle of a recorded online class but your article popped up and I paused the class and am now writing this comment.
Priorities have to be set!
I found that the kids growing up, retiring and taking walks...really helped 😜. I know that is completely unhelpful but I couldn't resist! Sorry.