Rethink Discussion #17: When how matters more than why
The power of small and consistent intentional actions
Dear Rethinkers,
Welcome to the Rethink Discussion post, one of my favourite recurring features in our newsletter community. It’s a space to share your perspectives on something topical, ask me questions and provide connections between readers.
Which brings us to today’s Rethink discussion question:
What’s a small action where how you do it matters more than why?
A few years ago, I had the opportunity to interview the legendary chef David Chang. It was such a treat! During our conversation, he told me a story that has stuck in my mind ever since.
Whenever Chang hires someone, whether it’s a top chef or a waiter, he asks them to wash the dishes. Not to test their skills, but to observe how they go about it.
Do they stack the plates with care?
Do they run the water hot and properly scrub?
Do they clean the sink afterwards?
For Chang, the way someone approaches a seemingly small, overlooked task speaks volumes about their mindset, values and attention to detail. It's not about washing dishes; it’s about the how.
We live in a culture that feels obsessed with purpose. The big WHY has become almost like a badge of honour. Maybe it started with Simon Sinek’s talk, Start with why?
But when it comes to trust, whether in people, teams, or organisations, it’s often how something is done that quietly reveals what really matters.
Is a meeting opened on time and with presence?
Is a book returned with a thank-you note tucked inside?
How does the customer service rep respond when things go wrong?
These everyday hows often carry more weight than stated purpose.
They’re small gestures that we feel and remember.
So this week’s reframe is simple:
Instead of asking Why am I doing this?, try asking How am I doing this?
What tone am I bringing?
What quality of attention?
What values show up in the execution?
What’s a small action or habit where how you do it matters more than why?
Let’s fill this thread with small but beautiful or powerful examples of how in action. I’ll share a few highlights in the next discussion post.
And, as always, if there is a question you’d like to suggest as a discussion prompt for our thoughtful community, please leave in the comments below.
Warmly,
Rethink discussion qu for this week:
What’s a small action or habit where HOW you do it matters more than WHY?
In defense of Simon Sinek’s “start with why” concept, there’s a cause-and-effect relationship where “why” is the cause and “how” is the automatic effect.
Watch any five-year-old and you’re observing an expert at identify evidence and logic supporting a preferred conclusion and refuting a closer-to-the-truth inconvenient conclusion.
Watch any pair of fifth graders on opposite sides of a conflict of interest that they both want to resolve—assuming a trusting and trustworthy relationship—and you’re observing two experts at openly sharing and challenging each others’ logic until the conflict is resolved.
The “why” for people who behave the way every five-year-old knows how to act is one of the two limited interests. The “why” for people who behave the way every fifth grader knows how to act is the common interest.