Why 'comfortable' cultures are a bad idea
Rethinking Comfort: Embracing the discomfort of disagreement
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I’ve been thinking a lot about the idea of comfort. You see, I like comfortable things. Comfortable shoes, trousers, and fabrics. Comfort food like soup and stews. Comfort objects in my house like lovely warm blankets and old ceramic mugs for my many cups of tea. However, I don’t like too much comfort in my work! I don’t sit comfortably with unknowns but it’s where my ideas come from. Energy needs some friction.
But being “comfortable” is increasingly being talked about as a cultural workplace ideal. That’s why this week we’re rethinking misconceptions around comfort.
More on the topic of comfort below, after a Rethink Recap:
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Do you feel too comfortable at work?
When I ask leaders to explain what they mean by a ‘comfortable culture’. The answers are remarkably similar: the intention is to make all people feel safe. A “comfortable culture” is a bad idea wrapped up in the best of intentions.
Here’s the thing: the need to feel comfortable all the time can be an alarming signal of a low-trust culture.
Cultures that are too comfortable:
Do not promote different viewpoints or constructive disagreement.
They don’t encourage people to take meaningful risks, to push themselves into the unknown — to get out of their “comfort zones.”
The discomfort of disagreement
Our family has a rule around the dinner table: You can disagree with one another, but you must stick around to respectfully listen to the other person’s answer. You can’t storm off. They have a love-hate relationship with this rule. It’s important to me that my kids can talk about issues that are messy, divisive, or even sad. I want them to be able to have honest and at times hard conversations with their friends (and eventually their colleagues).
Being comfortable with the discomfort of difference means holding a space that might be filled with tension.
Do you take pushback at work personally?
I realised how badly I wanted my kids to have a different relationship to the discomfort of disagreement after reading a fascinating book called The Coddling of the American Mind: How Good Intentions and Bad Ideas Are Setting Up a Generation for Failure by Greg Lukianoff and Jonathan Haidt.
The authors argue about the dangers of what they call “safetyism”. Safety culture began with a focus on “physical safety” and protecting kids from every imaginable danger. From not letting young children eat peanuts, to constantly telling them to “be careful” in the playground. But this culture of physical safety has now crept into expansive notions of emotional safety.
“A culture that allows the concept of ’safety’ to creep so far that it equates emotional discomfort with physical danger is a culture that encourages people to systematically protect one another from the very experiences embedded in daily life that they need in order to become strong and healthy.” — Jonathan Haidt
Haidt and Lukianoff explain why we’re living in a culture that has swung so far on emotional safety that we’re becoming less resilient in handling the discomfort of disagreement.
Great minds don’t always think alike
I’ve been teaching for eight years, and during that short period I’ve experienced a shift in classroom dynamics. I often feel like I’m walking on eggshells, filtering my words.
I’ve been reflecting on what really concerns me: A “comfortable place” is not necessarily a “safe space” for engaging with controversial ideas. The goal of making everyone feel comfortable may be well-intended but it can have the unintended consequence of hyper-vigilance and reduced trust.
The danger zone of comfort
If you do any kind of exercise routine, you’ll know that feeling of hitting a plateau. You do the reps and go through the motions, but it’s almost become automatic. There is very little stretch, and you stop seeing changes. You can even get a bit lethargic and bored, hanging out in this so called ‘comfort zone’. The same is true for mental comfort. When a work environment becomes too comfortable it can:
Be at odds with growth and learning.
Lead to taking disagreement as a personal attack vs. a different viewpoint.
Close us off to new ways of thinking.
Stop pushback against bad ideas.
Psychological safety is not the same as comfort
The basis for creating inclusive cultures isn’t comfort but high trust and psychological safety.
“Psychological safety” is a concept first defined by Harvard Business School professor Amy Edmondson back in 1999 (she has a great new book out called Right Kind of Wrong).
‘‘Psychological safety is a sense of confidence that the team will not embarrass, reject, or punish someone for speaking up.’’
It’s that feeling of not worrying about being judged or embarrassed when you express a different point of view.
There is a BIG difference between a sense of being accepted, respected, and included by those around you, and feeling too comfortable.
It doesn’t matter if it’s a discussion in the classroom, around the family dinner table or at work, people should feel comfortable being themselves but not uncomfortable pushing through discomfort to learn and grow.
The role of a leader, teacher, or parent is to protect their team/class/family from harm — but not from the discomfort of the right kind of disagreements.
QU: What makes you uncomfortable about the idea of ‘comfortable cultures?
As always, I’d love to hear what thoughts and ideas this newsletter sparked for you.
Warmly,
I immediately thought of one of David Bowie's comments about creativity:
"If you feel safe in the area that you’re working in, you’re not working in the right area. Always go a little further into the water than you feel you’re capable of being in. Go a little bit out of your depth, and when you don’t feel that your feet are quite touching the bottom, you’re just about in the right place to do something exciting."
I agree with your whole thesis on disagreement. But, people have lost ability, skill, if not interest, to reach ''across the aisle" to those they disagree with. How many readers, who agree with your essay, can relate to having healthy disagreements with others in past week?